I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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