I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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