I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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