Can i not drive my cunt home
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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