my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize