she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
she peed on how many people?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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