She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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