I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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