Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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