and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
