I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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