End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize