she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
