Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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