I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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