Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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