he puts the penis in happiness.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
