I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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