I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
