You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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