i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
