He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
