FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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