I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Randomize
