I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
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