some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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