I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
