Your face is a jimmy john
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
