your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
