He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
