SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
