I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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