i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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