life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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