My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
