there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
