He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
