Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
