FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Someone stole a lamp last night.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
