Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
