Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
