i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
