now i know why i became what i already was.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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