Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
