It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
