So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
There r osticjed everywhere
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Randomize
