Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
