who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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