god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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