My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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