I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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