am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
