This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
