When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
