Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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