got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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