just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Drake has all the answers
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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