Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
