I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
