why didn't you poke me back
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
