So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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