Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
