If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
