I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
