Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
