Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
