I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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