so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
