oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
