you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
