All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize