why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
