I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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