ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
