just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
