You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
