So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
