Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
