i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
