I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
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