I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
