Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
