Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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