Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
