I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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