I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
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