I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
