i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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