what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
