and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize