Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
