i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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