Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
