pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He? As in you personified your dick?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
