There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
