i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize