i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
