the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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