I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
