Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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