I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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