What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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