drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I forgot wine drunk hurts
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
